![]() It is simultaneously boring and overwhelming, slow-paced yet carelessly plotted, predictable and joyless. As a film, Mad Max: Fury Road is utterly without merit. It’s possible this quasi-reboot of a picture is popular for the same reason that Thomas Bowdler’s revisions of Shakespeare were well-liked. MAD MAX AMP TRUCK FREEMad Max: Fury Road, on the other hand, has a coveted “98% Fresh” rating on Rotten Tomatoes and has been the subject of universal praise everywhere movies are discussed – yet, the only thing that kept me from walking out was the fact I’d paid for the large soda and wanted my free refill. Everybody agrees that Highlander 2: The Quickening was a terrible film. I wasn’t alone in my distaste: the film’s own director walked out on the premiere. The last time I walked out of a theater during a film was twenty-four long years ago, about ten minutes into Highlander 2. It actually has five windows-and two doors, as is the traditional definition of a coupe.”) (Bloomberg’s article has a hilarious correction: “Correction: A previous version of this article described Nux’s car as a five-door coupe. ![]() If only Tom Hardy could manage to express even the minor range of emotion displayed by Kevin Costner in those box-office disasters. I’d so far as to say that Fury Road is essentially “ Waterworld on dirt”, with all the ridiculous plot holes, over-the-top acting, massively expensive set-piece battles, immortal primary characters, and inadvertent tedium associated with that film. MAD MAX AMP TRUCK MOVIEThat much you can get from the trailers, and I won’t spoil any further details if I can help it, other than to say that the movie is essentially a cross between the previously-referenced The Postman and the even-more-reviled Kevin Costner vehicle, Waterworld. Predictably, she and Max end up on the same side. MAD MAX AMP TRUCK DRIVERThe best driver of the war wagons is Charlize Theron, who doubles down on her identity politics by also being short an arm. Although Gastown is visible from the warlord’s “Citadel”, it’s still necessary to invest this run with an astounding amount of ceremony. It becomes critical to send a “war wagon” to “Gastown”. The warlord practices hydraulic diplomacy in the region, literally, and has power over a variety of intricate and complicated steampunk-style machinery. Max is captured by the minions of a local warlord in a scene taken nearly shot-by-shot from The Postman. The tiresome trope of “the hero is overcome by his visions in the middle of the action” occurs again and again. It’s just the subject of endless flashbacks that become more and more intrusive. ![]() This fact – the death of Max’s family – is alluded to again and again during Fury Road, but it’s never explained. It does, however, feature a scene in which Max’s wife and child are killed by gang members. It’s not dystopian, really, and it doesn’t take place after the wholesale collapse of society. Have you seen the original Mad Max? If you haven’t, you’ll be surprised at the fact that it’s not The Road Warrior. ![]() What I was not prepared for was this: Mad Max: Fury Road just plain sucks. I knew all of this before the first digital frame of this movie appeared on the screen, and I was prepared to live with it. Only by becoming a “feminist ally” can a man have any worth in society. Old white men are the source of all the world’s evil and they are always trying to “own” babies, er, fetuses, er, tissue, that should be the property of women. ![]() Insofar as I have an Internet connection and the ability to use it, I knew prior to walking into the new “Mad Max” film that I’d be effectively paying to be preached at, and the sermon would be the American-media orthodoxy of 2015: Women are just like men, only smarter, braver, and tougher. So you could even argue that I’m okay with paying for the privilege of being preached at. Once in a while, I’d toss a couple of bucks in the collection plate, as well. I mean, I’ve played guitar in a few church bands, and not all of the churches in question would let me sleep in my car during the sermon. ![]()
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